Hello and thanks for taking a look at my website, I am so grateful.

trigger warning, this is only the front page but I swear, I don’t care if you think its a sign of limited vocabulary, we can have a debate about that one day, and I go pretty heavy into depression, anxiety and you may read stuff that triggers you. Sorry….

I struggle with a mental illness called ‘Borderline Personality Disorder’ which is so much fun as my moods hit incredible highs, almost mania, and then I crash so low and feel suicidal. I think suicidal thoughts, think all my family would be better off if i died, you know jolly stuff like that, and I write comedy, how fucked up is that? The comedy is dark,so fucking dark about death and…urgh its dark shit.

The reason this site is called 4 Calm instead of “Borderline Personality Disorder is funny as fuck” or something equally witty is because this site is not just about me, its a campaign page to challenge the stigma of mental illness and also to promote the use of writing and creativity to maintain your mood when it’s good or increase feelings of pos…posi….positi,…bugger it I can’t use the ‘p’ word, you know which one i mean, the one those wankers who have never had a days mental illness in their lives but class themselves as experts are always going on about.

I’m not for one minute suggesting that if you start creative writing you will never ever have a days depression or mental illness again in your life, I’m not a total twat, I’ll resist the ‘c’c word here but may use it on some posts.

You know the sort, I post …hello I’m feeling so crap today, I’ve not earned any money in ten years, i can’t get a job, I’ve had cancer four times in five years and I have no money,no self-esteem and no confidence and I want to die by hanging myself.

and they post…”you have to think happy thoughts”

My happy thoughts would be them fucking off and leaving me alone and instead of reading lots and lots of quotes on happy thoughts they actually bother to talk to proper people who have a lifes experience of voilent mood swings.

Why is it people who write self-help books never seem to have had prolonged periods of real mental illness?

Sure the poor things felt a little sad, about three years ago, but they put on their trainers, went for a jog, came home, made a salad and then listened to ‘whale song’ for the rest of the day and everything was right in the world, wankers. Oh and all of them seem to be white, middle, class well adjusted people who ….kill the fuckers